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Random quote: Last time you got a piece of ass was when your finger broke thru the toilet paper. (Jopapa to ferret on race day)
- (Added by: JO PAPA)


Random quotes
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FerretConIf I wanted any lip outta you, I'd scrape it off my zipper!
FerretConNo crashing off the grid!
FerretConCome on guys! Let's try to get as many riders as possible through the first turn!
VipERWarriORAww man I just messed up a PB
xxCALGRUNTxxI'm NOT under the affluence of inchahol occifer....
xxCALGRUNTxxInsanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.------Albert Einstein
xxCALGRUNTxx'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy !!!!------Tom Waitts
xxCALGRUNTxxWhat...........Me Worry?????------Alfred E Newman
xxCALGRUNTxxShazammmmm !-------Capt. Marvel
xxCALGRUNTxxWomen are like streetcars. They come and they go-----Keith Richards
xxCALGRUNTxxYou can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need------Keith Richards
xxCALGRUNTxx'scuse me while I kiss the sky--------Jimi
BOTOSIi wanna kiss your lips,not the ones on your face --quiet riot
sleeping devili could beat you in third gear----qubix
FerretConIt's not wether you win or lose, it's how you played the game. Yep, that guy was a total loser!
FerretConAnother millon dollar idea?...MistleToe Beltbuckles!
FerretConIf your JewBacca....Then I'm Hand Solo!
xxCALGRUNTxxWinning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing----Vince Lombardi
BigDad"Please Keep your Lips Off my Tail Pipe."
xxCALGRUNTxx"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." --- Camille Paglia
xxCALGRUNTxx"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." --- Sharon Stone
xxCALGRUNTxx"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." --- Tiger Woods
xxCALGRUNTxx"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." --- Rod Stewart
xxCALGRUNTxx"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." --- Robin Williams
FerretConScuse me while I Puke and Die--------The Dead Milkmen
BOTOSI"BORN TO EAT AFTERBIRTH"
SummDoggs"YOUR MOMMA"
SummDoggs"Harry, im droppin the hammer"---Cole Trickle
FireDragonXZ|> |-| |: |: |)\ |V| |: !!! Pheer Me!
FireDragonXZStupid humans.. - Zero
OleMissRebelsI miss my ex but my aim is improving
OleMissRebelsAlfredENigma (4:04:08 PM): I was just sitting here thinking that it would be halarious if i just bitch slapped you right now
OleMissRebelsP.S. - This is what the alphabet would look like if the Q and the R were eliminated.
OleMissRebelsIf God gives you lemons, make apple juice.
OleMissRebelsThank you for adding your quote. Would you like to add another? yes please
OleMissRebelsSecond place is the first to lose.
OleMissRebelsYou know, Dirty Lappers sounds like the name of a porn site.
OleMissRebelsAll your base are belong to us. -Catz
OleMissRebelsTank, load the jump program. - Morpheus
SprayingLead'I love going to overseas places like Canada' - Britney Spears
SprayingLead"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture." - Robin Williams
SprayingLead"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself." - Peter O' toole
FerretConNo Glitchers in this Racing Organization!
JO PAPA"Anything worth winning, is worth getting DIRTY for !!!
Redeye 79"We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language" - Oscar Wilde
Redeye 79"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception" - Groucho Marx
Maverick 35Another one bites the dust - Queen
FerretConHello? Is Mr. Moorehead there? Craven Moorehead?
Maverick 35Some Ones got to feel this..I got to feel this---Kid Rock
RBure10iohumpty dumpty was pushed...........
FerretConShort term memory loss is when I can't find my stash!
pigfvkr" I got beat like a two dollar whore on 50 cent sundays "
pigfvkrIs there any fat chick in here?
CUBEVANu cant hit what u cant see
Hitman511% of all ballplayers are leaders of men, the other 99% are followers of women.
big hoopThis is the black fist of Africa!! Busta Rymes in Higher Learning
CUBEVANNO FAT CHICKS
big hoopDoes Barry Manalow know you raid his wardrobe? Breakfast Club
FerretConThere's ony one original..."Dirty Lappers"-----Pete Coors
BadDonkeyIf you worried about falling off the bike, you'd never get on. Lance Armstrong
BadDonkeyHaving a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head. Martin Mull
BadDonkeyIf you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. Katharine Hepburn
BadDonkeyTemper is the one thing you can't get rid of by losing it.
BadDonkeyIt's kinda like uninating on a volcano to try and put it out...................CalGrunt.
tatmanFor women sex is like snow...they never know how many inches they'll get or how long it will last....from mrs. TATMAN
tatmanMad Max riders are just the riders that arent good enough to dirty lap...
HotahThe object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. - Gen. George S. Patton
HotahAs I walk through the valley of death I fear no one, for I am the meanest mo fo in the valley! - Gen. George S. Patton
HotahBeing ready is not what matters. What matters is winning after you get there! - Lt. Gen. V.H. Krulak, USMC
HotahOnly two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
HotahWomen and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. --Robert A. Heinlein
HotahWhat's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.
HotahI love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine. -- Mel Gibson
HotahGuys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. -- Lenny Bruce
tatmanSarcasm is just one more service i offer...TATMAN
tatmanDoes your train of thought have an engine?....TATMAN
tatmanYesterday was the deadline for all complaints
tatmana PBS mind in a MTV world...TATMAN
srnowell(denali rider) i told you when you want to talk to me raise your hand and be recogonized 1st
big hoopDoes this stuff cuase brain damage..only if you smoke it for a month straight...Awesome!!!..Spicoli Fast Time at Ridgemont High
FerretConI like to get advice from the ladies, they talk! Guys just want to brag!...(My buddies 7 year old son)
srnowellfatality!
JO PAPAHey ferret, did that guy just throw a frag this wa......
MR WUP AZZNOBODY LOVES ME!!!
MR WUP AZZMY XBOX HATES ME
Stealth X ZenGreat Spirits Have Always Encountered Violent Opposition From Mediocre Minds -Albert Einstein
Stealth X ZenHmmmm... Now If Only My Xbox Had A Vagina....
JO PAPALast time you got a piece of ass was when your finger broke thru the toilet paper. (Jopapa to ferret on race day)
JO PAPAWe shared the same womb, we shared the same room, now I must say goodbye to the groom.(Ferrets toast at PAPAs wedding)
Stealth X ZenI may be dumb, but I'm ugly, AND AT LEAST I AINTS GOTS NO MONEY!!!
emailantDamn, I'm falling like a three legged Giraffe in a Gopher hole field!!
TenRingHitter"Yes, chivalry is dead......and women killed it" - Dave Chapelle
TenRingHitter"What we do in life, echoes in eternity" - Gladiator
TenRingHitterAny vehicle can be a minesweeper.........once.
TenRingHitterThe safest place in Korea was right behind a platoon of Marines. Lord, how they could fight! - MGen Frank Lowe, US Army
TenRingHitterIf you see a bomb technician running, follow him!
TenRingHitterLook on the bright side....fat people are harder to kidnap. - The Pace
TenRingHitter"Whachu know 'bout the leafy bug sissy?!" - Eddie Murphy
TenRingHitter"If the enemy is in range, so are you" -- Infantry Journal
CUBEVANCRASH AND BURN %#$@&
Hitman51Did you ever make fun of someone so much you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?
Hitman51It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt
Hitman51Never play leap frog with a unicorn
Hitman51I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up your a$$
Hitman51Trying is the first step towards failure--Homer Simpson
Hitman51When I die, I want to die like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car
Hitman51You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is, 'never try'--Homer Simpson
Hitman51Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So let's get wasted and have the time of our lives
Hitman51I am here to chew bubble gum and kick ass and I am all out of bubble gum...
Hitman51I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a boy..I'd have nothing to play with--Rodney Dangerfield
Hitman51Children in the back of cars cause accidents, accidents in the back of cars cause children!
Hitman51There is hot sex, fast sex, group sex, same sex, leather sex and phone sex, but for people wit a face like yours theres masturbation
Hitman51A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "damn that was fun!"
ShmahIll do anything once, Twice if I like it
ShmahMake me happy, Kill me now
ShmahRawk on!
FRANCIS M skaterHELL YEAH!!
FerretConIf one M-60 insn't enough......Take 2! If that doesn't work ...Frag the fuck outta it!
FerretConAlright...Whose throwing Tear Gas?
FerretConOkay..If you want to outwit one another let me take out my brain so we play even!
GUnit MasterdamI'm just gonna stick with the hotties for now and hook up with the homegirls after the reunion
VipERWarriORShoot for the Moon...even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.... ;)
THE PITT 420my screen feels like I'm on acid....... flash grenades
THE PITT 420fuck
THE PITT 420smoke em if you got one (dark helmet ...of the movie...spaceballs
THE PITT 420Look I farted!!
Hitman51Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
Hitman51Don't go knocking on death's door, ring the doorbell and run, he hates that!!!!!
Hitman51When life hands you lemons, ask for salt and a bottle of tequila!!!
Hitman51So I called my boss and told him I was suffering from Anal Glaucoma. I just couldn't see my a$$ going to work today.
Hitman51Eating pornography: does that count as oral sex?
Hitman51Whoever said you can't buy love, Hell they ain't never been to Reno!
Hitman51Quiters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.
Hitman51Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?
Hitman51As I spred the legs and touch the breast the white stuff came,and I realized it was my first time......MILKING A COW
Hitman51what color does a smurf turn when its being choked????
JO PAPAGood teaching is one-fourth preperation and three- fourths pure theater. (PAPAS wife)
FerretConCell phones are electronic leashes!
JO PAPAFist fight is alot like a gunfight, whoever draws first, is usally the winner
THE PITT 420If it is free take it unless it is an S.T.D.
THE PITT 4201st dates are like interviews
THE PITT 420You shouldn't take life to seriously, you might not make it out alive.
THE PITT 420Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
Stealth X ZenI have my mothers thighs.
THE PITT 420I'm chilling smoking kronic ,while your chocking on stress......The Transplants
sleeping devilfukin ferret and his m60
sleeping devilfucking ferret and his remotes
sleeping devilim gonna shove my barrel so far up your ......
THE PITT 420killing is my business and business is good
SilverSpearA$$, gas or grass... NOBODY RIDES FOR FREE!! --??
THE PITT 420Another stoned moment brought to you by............
sleeping devilboogity!!! boogity!! boogity!!! and there off!!!!-----darrel waltrip
FerretConLighter...Whose got my LIGHTER!!!!!
Stealth X Zenhukt On fonix wurkt Fer Me!!!
Hitman51"Hurry and ready up, so I can snap your neck"..ViperWarrior to Jo Papa in first SC: Tourney
VipERWarriOR*AS I GRAB HITMANS NECK IN SCPT* "Hey hitman, we're going back to the lobby to get JO PAPA! -SNAP- haha
BizzleLive to Ride, Live long enough, become a RELIC!
FerretConMILF.....It Does A Body Good!
FerretConGOT MILF?
JO PAPAI wonder bout those city folk,,, down there,,, eating hog,,, when they could be up here,,, eating elk,,, dont make no sense....
JO PAPATry and skin this one pilgrim.........
JO PAPAYou can touch my gun,, you can touch my woman,, touch my horse and I will kill ya!!!
FRANCIS M skater[]D. []. []\/[]. []D SKATER 4 EVER
JO PAPADon't ever shit to close to the house,, you never know who or what might drag it in...
JO PAPAThere's 3 type's of buisness,, just buisness,, monkey buisness,, and none of your buisness...
JO PAPA(Qubix on Toca) I don't host rooms,,,, I go into them!!
BadDonkeyIf you're arguing with an idiot, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.
JO PAPAI cant sympetheiz with whack hoes or wimpy guys
THE PITT 420Without sports, you couldn't wear shorts to the big dance
oh dirtyI LOVE BRANDON!!
JO PAPAIf it walks like a duck,,,,,, and it quacks like a duck,,,,,SHOOT IT!!!!
zolty_dubz"man this phone dont have text messaging ... this a suck phone" - Meatwad
zolty_dubzSuzy Kolber - "Joe what are your thoughts on the struggling jets" Joe Namath -"i want to kiss you"
BadDonkeyLive Every Day To Its fullest, and You will have a Full Life!
Stealth X ZenMay The Fleas Of A Thousand Camels Infest The Crotch Of The Person That Ruins Your Day, And May Their Arms Be Too Short To Reach
FerretConHaving sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand!
FerretConBisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night!
FerretConThere a number of mechanical devices wich increase sexual arousal in women. Cheif among these is the Mercedes Benz 380SL.
FerretConClinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
FerretConThe word, "Divorce" derives from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
FerretConWoman need areason to have sex. Men just need a place.
JO PAPAYou cant duck a showdown,,,,,,,, you can only post-pone it..
FerretConWould you like to buy a part of the moon? I'll moon you and you can pay me ~ QUBIX
JO PAPAYes I lie,, cheat and steal,,,,,,,, but at least I am honest about it...
THE PITT 420Beauty is only a lightswitch away
BadDonkeyNever Sneeze In the Wind....SummDoggs
Big HoopAaahhh but the servant waits.....while the master baits!!!
FerretConI can only eat so many Little Debbie Cakes and I feel like I'm cheating on Ms. Hostess!
JO PAPA( D- Trian in Sactown) Men are at there most vulnerable only twice,,,,,, when they are wiping there ass,, or busting there nut!!
Big HoopBro's before Ho's
PotapizzleI don't feel like my weekend has been successful unless I hear the sound of someone being slapped.
PotapizzleSuck my ass.
PotapizzleHold your cheeks back and say "I was born on a pirate ship."
PotapizzleI've got your dirtylapper swinging.
Potapizzle"I wish I had more hands....so I could give those titties 4 thumbs down." - Rick James, bitch
PotapizzleSorry, I'm late guys...I got caught up with some punanny. Here, smell my finger.
PotapizzleI'm gonna go beat it like it owes me money.
Potapizzle"Bitch please, you must have a mental disease, assume the position and get back down on your knees." - Xhibit
Potapizzle"Just cause I joke and smoke alot, don't mean I don't tote the glock" - Biggie
KablegodSometimes your the Bug and Sometimes your the Windshield
Kablegod2nd Place is the 1st Place LOSER..
JO PAPAI shake alot of hands,,,,,but I dont have alot of friends...(CxT)
neo714Not too fat, I can handle a little chub, but if she cant lay on top of me without me wanting her off, ye i wont mess with that.
neo714Yay for slizuts
BadDonkeyWho discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?-Billy Connolly-
BadDonkeyBefore you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.-Billy Connolly-
PotapizzleHell, why would I want to do that? I just LOVE disease-ridden she-males! - CalGrunt
FRANCIS M skaterI'M HORNY!!!!!
BadDonkeyThank you.....and you all thought i was retarted....-Neo
THE PITT 420I'm afraid of hieghts and claustrophobic, so I never fuck fat chicks.
psykodragon1you better drive faster cause I will be on your ass like a gay man with vaseline
JO PAPA(Bigdad on papa's dedicated server) WHAT THE HELL DID PAPA DO TO US....
KablegodSniper Creed "Don't run you'll only die tired"
KablegodTwo wrongs dont make a right but they sure even up the odds
JO PAPA(jackyl) Dont look at me and shake your head,, dont like my hair your so mislead,,,I shit like you do..
JO PAPAI'm drunk again,,,woop,,,excuse the hiccup,,the redneck origanator rolling in my pickup..(kidrock)
BadDonkeyBlond by birth, not by choice.
BadDonkey"It isn't a gift if you feel you have to give it." Publix Check out Guy
BadDonkeyI think your thinking's off-FerretCon
THE PITT 420Why ??????????????????????????????
THE PITT 420I'm OK, but I'm not OK
THE PITT 420Fat Kids Are Harder To Kidnap
THE PITT 420Spitters Are Quitters!!
THE PITT 420Caution: There Is A Drunk In The Building
THE PITT 420I've changed my hair style, so many times now, I don't know what I look like
VD.God is a mass murderer evil kill a few at a time not 10's of thousands
VD.1st is the only winning place everything else is last
X ReVoLuTiOn X"Everytime you masturbate god kills a kitten"
X ReVoLuTiOn X"Ive always been afraid of clowns... I think it goes back to the time when I went to the Circus and a Clown killed my dad"
X ReVoLuTiOn X" I dont have a girlfriend..I just Know a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that.."
X ReVoLuTiOn X"at the end of each of my letters i like to put P.S. - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q & R were eliminated"
X ReVoLuTiOn X"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer"
-RiChIe 25-hey dont shoot me, shoot him--->
-RiChIe 25-dont wreak me, wreak him--->
-RiChIe 25-haha u missed me and then i shoot u
urinedrinker_I SWEAR 2 DRUNK IM NOT GOD!!!!!
BlueFin175Ask my dogs what 'Dirty Lappers' means
SummDoggs"Whos Got My Lighter" - The Clydes
BadDonkeyCrowded elevator smell different to midget
BadDonkeyMan who fish in other man's well often catch crabs
BadDonkeyMan who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement
BadDonkeyIt take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it
BadDonkeyMan who fight with wife all day get no piece at night
BadDonkeyWar does not determine who is right war determine who is left
BadDonkeyMan who eat many prunes get good run for money
BadDonkeyMan who scratch ass should not bite fingernails
BadDonkeyMan with one chopstick go hungry
BadDonkeyFoolish man gave wife grand piano, wise man give her upright organ
BadDonkeyMan with hand in pocket feel cocky all day
BadDonkeyMan who puts dick in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts
BadDonkeyIt is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl
-RiChIe 25-"bump and run" now you are leading
-RiChIe 25-"bump and run" now you won the race
-RiChIe 25-"loose is fast and it will edge you outta control"--harry hog(days of thunder)
JO PAPASometimes I look at certain people and think,,,man,,I wish there mom believed in abortion...
JO PAPAI'm getting away,,getting away,,getting away,,getting away,,getting away,,getting away,,getting away,,,getting away,,,with murder!!!
urinedrinker_I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
urinedrinker_Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
urinedrinker_An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.
urinedrinker_An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
urinedrinker_I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
urinedrinker_Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
urinedrinker_Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines
urinedrinker_As we grow old…the beauty steals inward.
urinedrinker_Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.
urinedrinker_Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
urinedrinker_I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
urinedrinker_Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.
urinedrinker_The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.
urinedrinker_So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.
urinedrinker_I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
urinedrinker_Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another.
urinedrinker_Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
urinedrinker_The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
urinedrinker_'So you think *I'm* the murderer? What do I have to do to convince you that I'm not, be the next victim?'
urinedrinker_Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others.
urinedrinker_"Heyyy Finny" "Ahhh, LAY OFF ME URINE!!!"
BigDadGet your Hands off my Beer, Or I will Kick you in the Nut Sack
BlueFin175Defeat is imminent
psykodragon1I was forced to race with people that I didn't even know, Boy were they pissed
JO PAPAWe are depleting the enemies reinforcements...
JO PAPA(ferret shooting cuddly ewoks) Arent they just the cutest Papa,,,,now watch this....(kaboom)
urinedrinker_IM NOT AS THINK AS U STONED I AM!!
nitrouselementit disapointing when your leading a group of guys and you turn around and they're a bunch of gungans. (JO PAPA on Battlefront)
nitrouselementDESTROY THE SHEILD BUNKA!!!!!!!!
VipERWarriORRespect is earned. Never given.
Frank4202Help control the pet population. Have your pet properly sprayed or netured
blacrexDirt makes the world go round, OK it just makes the world round
urinedrinker_"When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs."-Friedrich Nietzsche
urinedrinker_"She looked as if she'd been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say when."-PG Wodehouse.
psykodragon1blacrex: Oh the beauty of a Covenant Master Chief Death Ballerina - blacrex talking about psyko on team pink killing everyone
psykodragon1Pysko you were like a friggin walking meat grinder when you were using that glowing lancer... -mcman on halo
psykodragon1smokers say that you have no idea how hard it is to stop smoking, I say yes I do, it is about as hard as to start flossing
JO PAPA(jackin Zolty's ride) Get out of that vehicle,,,,,,,IT'S MINE!!!!!!!!
ensoniqMy hovercraft is full of eels!
ensoniqI want to die like my grandfather did,in his sleep.Not screaming and shouting like the passengers in his car!
KablegodThe only difference between good and evil...The views they have
nitrouselementman in the hole! (INDIE IN GHOST RECON)
nitrouselementgreasemonkie your so greasy...
KablegodPlaying Ghost Recon....Kablego"Jo Papa is Down I got him sitting in a corner" Inde"Great now we have a chance"
JO PAPA(Billy Kid) I am gonna ruin this guys day,,,,KABOOM,,,,wait,,,Papa,,,I think he was on my team...
nitrouselementif your a beginner, begin somewhere else!
JO PAPAYou wish for what??!! Like Grandma would say,,,,wish in one hand,,and shit in the other,,,,see wich one fills up first...
JO PAPAGood job you won!!! Sun does shine on a dog's ass somedays!!!
JO PAPAAll I can do is show you the door,,,,,,you are the one that has to walk thru it....(Matrix)
sleeping devili bet we will lose but have more fun losing then you will winning
JO PAPAI have a 45,,,,,,he has a sub machine gun,,,,,,my day just keeps getting worse....(The Punisher)
JO PAPA(mcman on crash and burn) Now thats what I call a bbq,,,Rotisserre Racing!!!
Hitman51Reality is an illusion caused by a shortage of alcohol
Hitman51Confucius say: to meet girl in park is good, but to park meat in girl is better
Hitman51Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
Hitman51You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word--Al Capone
Hitman51When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it's $3.95 a minute.
BlueFin175I love people who feel like they need to share their 2 cents when they're a penny short
BlueFin1752 wrongs never make a right, but 3 lefts do
zolty_dubzif your gonna be a monkey be a gorilla !!
nitrouselementthey did studies that it works 60% of the time....and everytime
tizertwoif at first you dont succeed, remove all evidence you tried!
tizertwo(on toca)i wobbled out that corner more than a pole dancers funny bits!
toonudiepatience is a virtue often overlooked in haste
BigshirtlessronTR is like the Obi Wan of the Dirty Nation....if Obi Wan was bald with tattoos and did alot of blow
BigshirtlessronHey did ya'll see this big ol' hotdog- meatwad
spidermikeBOOMSHAKALAKKA!!!
PotapizzleI've had dingleberry's that I found more interesting than watching hilbillys drive around in circles
betacamWhen you stop to think....don't forget to start again
Bigshirtlessron"ConnerPerters0n was beaten down by moosecok"
Cyclops Women should be obscene and not heard. ~Groucho Marx~
CyclopsVery funny Scotty...now beam down my clothes! ~Captain Kirk~
CyclopsI never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. ~Groucho Marx~
JO PAPA(lil conner a.k.a Zolty) No fetus can beat us!!!!!
JO PAPA(Conner) I am just not a ordinary fetus,,,I am a pickled fetus!!!
Stealth X ZenWomen are alot like dog-poo, the older that they get, they easier they get to pick-up.
JO PAPAIf Barbie is so popular,,why do we have to buy her friends..
PotapizzleI may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Stealth X ZenWhats brown and riddled with holes? Swiss Shit.
sleeping devileveryone thinks their married to a playboy bunny but most people are married to rabbits--- charles barkley
Guy In Your Bushes"no friended bringing other people down creep"
JO PAPAFear is not a bad thing..It is fear that saves mens lives..It prepares a man for trouble..
urinedrinker_Nothing in life is promised except death.
urinedrinker_If you have the opportunity to play this game of life, you need to appreciate every moment of it.
FerretConThe only reason I would take up exercise is to hear heavy breathing again.
NubbaThe DN is like SEX, you can never get enough...
JO PAPAYou know I never stole a horse unless I needed him..
JO PAPAThere's some folks will justify anything if it will make them a dollar..
FerretConThis isn't a beer gut! Think of it as a gas tank for a sex machine!
sleeping devil(some idiot after a matchmaking game to benz rider) "hey do you ride a benz because you dont own one"
sleeping devil(zolty to a bunch of little kids in a room with a 40 year old) hey do you get a picture on the 1st of the month
Stealth X ZenI know you can fight..... but it's our wits that make us men (Braveheart)
JO PAPAA mans trust means alot to another man,,,I would hate to see you lose that in a hand of cards..(to anyone who cheats in poker)
xxCALGRUNTxx"There´s nothing funnier than a man who takes himself too seriously!" ----Groucho Marx
SDon1969'Tis better to keep your mouth closed and appear the fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
SDon1969Confucius Say: Woman who flies in plane upside-down is sure to have crack up.
SDon1969Something wrong with baseball? A man with four balls cannot possibly walk...
SDon1969Confucius Say: Man with hands in pockets feels cocky all day.
SDon1969"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." (Albert Einstein)
Guy In Your Bushes"Hello Ms. Dion. We sure are having nice weather here in Canada" ~Viperwarrior~
Guy In Your Bushes"Jimmy I dont care what grade your in, nobody wears pants in my house" ~zoltydubz~
LT Braddock"Remember, it's not the person with the fastest car that wins. Just the person who refuses to lose."
Guy In Your BushesRape is such an ugly word, lets just call it suprise sex
nitrouselement(greasemonkie on forza) how am i suppose to get out of the way when i'm sliding backwards!!!
Crazybros"Your mom goes to college"
Crazybros"When life gives you lemons, save them up to make a big lemonade, then, ask why life was so generous." -Joshua H.(Crazybros)
spidermike"Ahh, this just ain't fair guys!" Indie to the room as Payne ran away race after race in his CRX!!
xbl_Tatmani would rather owe it to you then cheat you out of it
xbl_Tatmanmy wifes married im not
xbl_Tatmanhey babe does your carpet match your drapes?
SDon1969Ass...the other vagina.
E NiceA woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one. - Homer Simpson
MR WUP AZZI'VE GOT ROCKETS!!!
E NiceBe like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath. - Micheal Caine
FerretConMy Momma says I'm the best kisser in the county! And Daddy agree's!
E NiceYou're father milked chickens for a living! - Thembrian pilot (TaleSpin)
FerretConA great friendship is kinda like peeing your pants. Although everyone can see it, your the only one who can feel the true warmth!
E NiceAll men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative. - Rupert Thorne (Batman:The Animated Series)
NubbaThat's what i like about them highschool girls... I get older, they stay the same age! -Dazed and Confused
E NiceA girl's a minor until she's eighteen. Then she's a gold-digger.
E NiceThey call her Double Mint because she's so Wrigley.
E NiceThe first lie detector was made from the rib of a man. No improvement has ever been made on the oriignal machine. - O.Beacon
FerretConThe hardest thing about being a parent is having to punish your children.
mile_coupeHe Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins
steveo5001who's easier to turn on ur xbox or girlfriend
steveo5001girlfriends come and go but xbox will always be there for u
mirage24062Pitty is a vice for lesser mortals. --Bobba Fett
mirage24062Wherever you go.. there you are. --Buckaroo Banzai
mirage24062When in doubt.. whip it out. --Mirage24062
ramjet36my dad said this is a penis and if it was 2 inches shorter it would be Perfect.
ramjet36Like I told your old lady last night ....BLOW ME B*TCH
ramjet36A rednecks last words......"Hey y'all watch this"
E NiceOn the internet, men are boys, women are men, and girls are FBI agents.
welfaredogI've seen a better head on basterd cabbage---welfaredog
welfaredogI've seen better heads on a boil---welfaredog
Stealth X ZenI caught you a delicious bass. - Napoleon Dynamite
FerretConYou look like the kind of guy that studies for a rectal exam! Yep you look like a real crammer!
THE PITT 420You better pop a quarter in your ass because you played yourself.
THE PITT 420Its a dog eat dog world, and I am wearing milkbone underwear
Wiggy_FlyThe worst "Racer" is the one across the line with no damage....
Big HoopLook at the Shitter on that Critter!
Big HoopGive her a slap on the turd cutter!
FerretConChuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
FerretConChuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
FerretConThe chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
FerretConChuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Stealth X ZenChuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Stealth X ZenChuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Stealth X ZenAccording to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Stealth X ZenWhen the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Stealth X ZenChuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Stealth X ZenThe quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Stealth X ZenSuperman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas
Stealth X ZenWhen you lift up Chuck Norris' scrotum, you find another pair of testicles.
Stealth X ZenAt birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Stealth X ZenChuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
THE PITT 420smoke and poo
THE PITT 420oh my god they killed kenny
FerretConBoy, if I ever meet your momma! I'm gonna slap her on the turdcutter and ask her why she wasted the egg!
FerretConBoy, if I ever meet your poppa! I'm gonna kick him in the jimmy and ask him why he wasted the sperm.
nji04never interupt your enemy when he is making a mistake
nji04on a hill there stood a dookit , it,s not there now ,cause someone took it
emailantThe world would be much better off if ignorance was painful.
urinedrinker_You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
BlueFin175Greasemonkie, of our dear departed Blacrex .. "He made friends fast and was a fast friend" God Bless you Kenny.
JO PAPAI havent been laid in so long,,,,that hand-lotion companies are starting to send me coupons..
PotapizzleSmell my elbow.
PotapizzleDon't tell me my homily blew ape, I worked my ASS off on it!
CLYMER242ya IRONWORKERS if we cant break it we steal it
nitrouselementAbsolutely Ma'am i'de love to sign your baby! - (Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights)
urinedrinker_My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
urinedrinker_Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
urinedrinker_I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
urinedrinker_Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
urinedrinker_You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
urinedrinker_Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
urinedrinker_Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
urinedrinker_God must love stupid people; He made so many.
urinedrinker_Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
urinedrinker_Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be when i grew up
JO PAPAA day in hell is a day of work for a IRONWORKER...
BlueFin175I'm not a network engineer, but I did stay at a holiday inn express last night
<Cuda440>little kids 7-12 on halo xbox live make me wanna puch a baby in the face
<Cuda440>don't fight back on toca cause i'm crazy i'll crash through your house like billy joel
NubbaYou better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.
NubbaWho said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead.
FerretConI am not LAZY! I'm resting my potential!
<Cuda440>when you turn gay everyone loses
FerretConI'm the least you can do! If only life was as easy as you I'd still get screwed!....Jimmy Pop
THE PITT 420How do you know when it is bed time at neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand.
welfaredog$15 for more spawn killing, I think i'll invest that $15 in 5 gallons of gas to drive my truck to Gamestop to trade my copy in.
FerretConFat chicks are like Honda Scooters, there okay to ride till your friends see you on one!
fragtardThe fairness of destiny isn't ours to judge, but if you feed hot sauce to a Rottweiler, you deserve everything you get. (The Onion)
BlueFin175There are 3 kinds of people in this world: Those that can count and those that can't.
toonudieON G.R.A.W......*Billy Kid*- "Indie get back, GET BACK!, GET BACK!, INDIE GET BACK!!!!! ~BOOM~ *Indie* "Hey!!!!!! you could have warned me Billy!!!!"
FerretConYou know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
FerretConI thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."
FerretConI know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
FerretConEmployment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"
Hitman51You would rather play with yourself too...but sometimes, you have to go out with a member of the opposite sex, which in your case is your left hand
conkerbunkerI wish my lawn was EMO so it would cut it self
SQUIRRELMASTERR"bumble bee tuna" ace ventura
SQUIRRELMASTERRyou couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat.
KablegodIn order for one to fail, one must first try.
JO PAPA( Billy askin Indie for help on Graw ) Indie,,,I am pin'd down over here!!!! Indie replies,,,sorry Billy,,,cant help ya...
JO PAPAIf your not living for something,,,,you are dying for nothing...
<Cuda440>your going to hel when you die cuz god hates fags
welfaredogA drunk mans word are a sober mans thoughts-welfaredog
THE PITT 420The only way you can know where the line is, is if you cross it.
Stealth X ZenThen my name better be at the top of the list for pocket pool. -Potapizzle
JO PAPAIn life you gotta roll the dice,,,,never look back,,,,and never think twice....
welfaredogteam sharpshooter blows if I want to die in my spawn I'll just throw a grenade at my feet.
Chavez760"Hard pressed on my right. My center is yielding. Impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent. I am attacking!"
Chavez760"We're surrounded. That simplifies the problem!" Chesty Puller USMC
Chavez760"Sometimes it is entirely appropriate to kill a fly with a sledge-hammer!" MAJ. HOLDREDGE
FerretConI use to play softball in High School, but stopped when I realized I was surrounded by a bunch of lesbians...."Scullie"
JO PAPAHe's the type of guy that when he farts it smells like Jergen's hand lotion and burnt rubber...
THE PITT 420Do what you love. f*ck everything else.
THE PITT 420Losers are people who are so afraid of not winning, they don't even try.
THE PITT 420I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.
THE PITT 420What is it with steel wool? Is it steel? Or is it wool?
THE PITT 420Well isn't that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day.
THE PITT 420I don't dislike you, I nothing you.
THE PITT 420Ya know something? *You* have slept with both of my sisters. So that means that you and I have something in common.
THE PITT 420A person doesn't have to be perfect to be exactly what you need.
THE PITT 420A tattoo on the lower back, that might as well be a bullseye.
THE PITT 420I felt like Jodie Foster in "The Accused" last night.
urinedrinker_if ya cant duck it F*** it
Disco KYou know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
FerretConFriends are like butt cheeks. Crap might separate them, but they always come back together.
Stealth X Zenyo mamma's so ugly the only thing attracted to that b*tch is gravity.
Stealth X Zenyo mamma's so fat she wears an astroid belt.
Stealth X Zenyo mamma's so fat she has more crack than harlem.
JO PAPAA man with nothing has got nothing to lose...
maddieselYour face reminds me of a wrench every time i see it my nuts tighten
maddieselHow do you keep an idiot in suspense I'll tell you tomorrow
JO PAPATry and ban the A.K I got 10 of em stashed with a case of hand grenades!!
JO PAPAIf people concentrated on the really important things in life,,,there would be a shortage of fishing poles...
welfaredog"Losers always do their best, winners go home and f*ck the prom queen. Sean Connery-The Rock"
welfaredogKiss the vertical lips.
BlueFin175Thats not good
BlueFin175God said "let there be light" Chuck Norris said " say please"
urinedrinker_everyone has the right to be ugly, she abuses it.
urinedrinker_*Actual headline in newspaper* Why Have Do We Public Schools?
urinedrinker_It is a scientificaly proven fact that those who have more birthdays live longer.
FerretCon"Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches, it's more like a jar of Jalapeno's-- what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow..."
nitrouselementWhen he neutralizes the threat, we launch green flares and we wait for the cavalry!
THE PITT 420when reflecting on your life always ask yourself if what you did helped your life.
urinedrinker_Aspire to Inspire before you Expire
FerretConWomen are like buses, one comes along every 10 minutes. You just may not want to get on some of them.
FerretConDon't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
FerretConIf you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
FerretConI carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.
FerretConAmerica is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall.
FerretConWhen seconds count,the cops are just minutes away. (but shoot first anyway, then call 911)
FerretConAn armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.
FerretConBeware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!
urinedrinker_I think I just had a nerdgasm!
urinedrinker_A realist is more correct about things in life than an optimist. But the optimist seems to have more friends and much more fun.
urinedrinker_A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. - Childs Quote
FerretConYou need a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
FerretConCondoms use Chuck Norris for protection.
FerretConNever ever trust a FART!
Stealth X ZenIf trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason." -Deep Thoughts
Stealth X ZenThe face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. -Deep Thoughts
Stealth X ZenI believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex. -Deep Thoughts
Stealth X ZenIf you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic. -Deep Thoughts
Stealth X ZenIf you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact. -Deep Thoughts
Stealth X ZenIf you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. -Deep Thoughts
Stealth X ZenIf I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now. -Deep Thoughts
Stealth X ZenBroken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me? -Deep Thoughts
Stealth X ZenOne thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake. -Deep Thoughts
Stealth X ZenConsider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff. -Deep Thoughts
Stealth X ZenFor mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness? -Deep Thoughts
BigshirtlessronI find theres no greater honor than to die whilst in mid tbag
Disco KNow that was excellent bananna placement..
FerretConEverytime you experience an awkard moment of silence a gay baby is born!
FerretConEverytime you masterbate god kills a kitten!
urinedrinker_Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
nitrouselementLanding on a carrier is like having sex during a car accident. It feels great but man is it violent.
Alpha1Fastest lap? Losers always whine about having the fastest lap, winners go home and f--- the prom queen.
Alpha1In God We Trust (everyone else keep your hands where we can see them)
nitrouselementIndie on GRID - I love MiG!
FerretConoh great he's gonna replace all the mods with mounties and make us end all post with 'eh'...ShirtlessRon on Nudie taking over ownership of the DN.
BlueFin175Ferret mate, I think we're out of a job !
FerretConLong ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.
FerretConYou know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
FerretConBirds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
Miss_Kimmy"That was the ugliest lap I've EVER seen" (Nudie watching me play Nascar)
FerretConWhat do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common? The Taste!
Big HoopTwo in the Blood...One in the Mud
Big HoopSSSHHHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTAAAAAAAA
Miss_KimmyMountain Dew gets the demons out!
Big Hooptwo in the pink...one in the stink
Big HoopA 68??? You eat me now...I owe you one later!!
Big HoopA 71??? A 69 with two fingers in your butt!!
Big HoopI'm all hopped up on Mt Dew Chet!!!
Big HoopTwo in the Goo....One in the Pooh
Big HoopTwo in the Snapper...One in the Crapper
Big HoopFace Down A$$ Up That's The Way We Like FuK!!!
Big HoopI may not hit the bottom...But I give the sides hell!!!
Big HoopCall me Dirty Nation Al Qaeda...I just highjacked this thread...YO!!!!
FerretConIf your going in a pool with Hoop...just make sure your mind is the only thing open.
Big HoopI'd like to help you son...but you smell like a goat!
Miss_Kimmy"That's a romantic looking sky"..."It's pink like uncooked bacon!" -Finny & Monkie in Nascar
Miss_KimmyNo, I've never seen that, I've never seen anyone drive their garbage out to the curb and bang the hell out of it with a stick. -The 'Burbs
FerretConMy wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
FerretConIt's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
FerretConLast night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
FerretConA girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!
FerretConA hooker once told me she had a headache.
FerretConI went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
FerretConIf it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
FerretConI was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'
FerretConI knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.
FerretConI knew a girl who was so ugly they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
FerretConMy wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
FerretConI'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
FerretConMy wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
FerretConI know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
FerretConMy wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.
FerretConMy wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.
Miss_KimmyWhen all is said and done, more was said than done!
BlueFin175Rock, paper, scizzors, lizard, Spock !
nitrouselement"Oh my God, there's a gremlin on my plane! There's a gremlin on my--oh, I'm sorry, that was Richard Branson." - Stephen Colbert
FerretConASIANS....Because your calculus sure as hell isn't gonna do itself.
FerretConFIRE...The best reason for throwing your baby out a window.
FerretConBOOTY.....The difference in getting an "A" in college or barely passing.
FerretConBLASEPHEMY....A ticket to hell has never been funner.
FerretConTHE MAZDA MIATA....When the rainbow bumper sticker just doesn't show who you really are.
FerretConSWEDISH GIRLS.....Making British girls look ugly since 1428.
FerretConSEXISM.....Only ugly b*tches complain about it.
FerretConMOOSEKNUCKLE....Camel toe now has an ugly brother.
Miss_Kimmy"Did you know that 4 out 5 moms prefer the taste of bluefin over their regular brand???" - Monkie
Miss_KimmyI will stab you in the neck with a knife! - Step Brothers
Miss_KimmyEndeavor to live so that when you die, even the undertaker will be sorry!
FerretConBig Hoop gets the Pep Boys haircut. Problem is he doesn't know if he's Manny, Moe or Jack.
FerretConWhen Big Hoop gets his hair cut he asks the barber to cut it like a bull dike.
nitrouselementMarines never die, they just go to hell and regroup.
FerretConDo not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
FerretConThe journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
FerretConIt's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
FerretConIf you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
FerretConIf at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
FerretConGive a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .
FerretConIf you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
FerretConDuct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
FerretConNever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Miss_Kimmy"Well, looks like we'll just have to make it a three-way!" (said by Soniq when Fin couldn't join our Uno game due to a bad connection)
FerretConTake your wife out tonight. One bullet oughtta do it!
FerretConWORK HARDER! Millions on welfare depend on YOU!
FerretConGuns don't kill people. Drivers with cellphones do.
FerretConIf money is the root of all evil than why do churches beg for it?
FerretConI child proofed my house but there still getting in.
FerretConDrugs lead nowhere but it's the scenic route.
FerretCon4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.
FerretConCan't feed em? Don't breed em!
FerretConWife and dog missing. Reward for dog.
FerretConDriver carries no cash. He's married.
FerretConJesus is coming, look busy.
FerretConI am not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
FerretConBreast inspection 20 feet ahead, please have em' out!
FerretConI've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just a$$holes.
FerretConI've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
FerretConI've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.
FerretConI've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
FerretConI've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others-they are more screwed up than you think.
FerretConI've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
FerretConWhoever gets the blood I just donated is getting a sh!^ ton of free THC.
FerretConWe played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive. Rock won.
FerretConI just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
FerretConI cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
FerretConI got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
FerretConJust saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
FerretConTrimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
FerretConDude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
FerretConPoliticians can be the worst kind of super-villans. Their costumes make them look trust worthy.
urinedrinker_I'm not going to hell Butters, I'm not black. - Eric Cartman
FerretConBest Quote of the recession so far: "THIS IS WORSE THAN A DIVORCE. I've lost half of my money and I still have my WIFE!
GREASIEMONKIE"Nitro, he's on your left! No, he's on your right! Wait, he's EVERYWHERE, man! Geezus!" - Indie Jones in COD-MW2
FerretConI'm changing my Gamertag to either FerretKanye or Orca Wind Free!
Big HoopWomen should have 70 chores....cooking and a 69!!!
FerretConI've gotten so much hairpie lately they started calling me the Fur-Burglar....Rubble Rubble.
FerretConI think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
FerretConNothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
FerretConThere is great need for a SARCASM font.
FerretConMap Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
FerretConObituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
FerretConCan we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
FerretCon"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
FerretConI hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
FerretConI keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
FerretConMy 8-year old son asked me in the car the other day "what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
FerretConI disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
FerretConIt's only cheating if you can't do the glitch!
moleque916It smells like Hemorrhoids wrapped in baby oil and I hate it!
FerretConIF YOU LIKE MY SAUSAGE,,YOU WILL LOVE MY MEATBALLS
Jef419Nobody puts Hoop in the corner
FerretConPeople may not remember exactly what you did or said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
SummDoggs"Girlfriends are temporary...HALO is forever!!!!!" - Big Hoop
JO PAPAGreasemonkey!! That funky Monkey!!!
Big HoopAin't no fun unless your boyz can get some!
GREASIEMONKIEBack-to-back.......Never Facing (Big Hoop & Ferret on COD tactics)
FerretConWhen I grow up I want to be Charlie Sheen!
Jef419"Trash talking is like the Special Olympics. Even if you win you're still a retard"
FerretConIf you have a problem with me, bring it up with my ass. He's the only one who gives a crap.
FerretConLast night I had a bowl of Rod Stewart Oyster Stew. After I ate it I had to have my stomach pumped.
JO PAPAIts always your greatest sin that will do you in..
BlueFin175Sheriff Grady Judd: "Because that's all the ammunition we had"
Jef419Wrap it and tap it - Friday night Forza
FerretConWomen are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected
FerretConAVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
FerretConAVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
FerretConFOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER
FerretConA MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
FerretConIF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
FerretConYOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
FerretConIF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
FerretConSOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
FerretConI'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
FerretConBorrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
FerretConHalf the people you know are below average.
FerretCon99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
FerretCon82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
FerretConA conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
FerretConA clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
FerretConIf you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
FerretConAll those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
FerretConThe early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
FerretConI almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
FerretConOK, so what's the speed of dark?
FerretConHow do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
FerretConIf everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
FerretConDepression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
FerretConWhen everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
FerretConAmbition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
FerretConHard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
FerretConI intend to live forever. So far, so good.
FerretConEagles may soar, but Ferrets don't get sucked into jet engines.
FerretConWhat happens if you get scared half to death twice?
FerretConMy mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
FerretConWhy do psychics have to ask you for your name.
FerretConIf at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
FerretConA conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
FerretConExperience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
FerretConThe hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
FerretConTo steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
FerretConThe problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
FerretConThe sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
FerretConThe colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
FerretConEveryone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
FerretConIf at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
FerretConIf your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
FerretConIf you don't go out and SIN, then Jesus died for NOTHING!
FerretConWhenever I have sex with an Asian Hooker I'm horny again in an hour.
FerretConOsama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound and never left the house for 5 years. It is now believed he called the Navy Seals on himself.
Jef419I'm Canadian...We make sh!^ happen
welfaredogI'm treating Spidermike like Rodney King back here.
FerretConGirl you make me wanna toungue punch your fartbox!
FerretConYou cant polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter!
FerretConGrammar is important. Capital letters are the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
KrishnovAriba B#!=/)


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